Dating is hard when you have kids...

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I've begun dating again. Well...sort of. I am talking to someone, call him E, but we've yet to have an actual "date". I don't think it's for lack of trying though. He tries to ask me out, but he does it at the last minute, which is not a good thing when you have kids. I can't just pick up and go, although pre-kids, I would have.

Anyway, last night is a good example. We were chatting online and then decided to chat on the phone instead. It was about 8pm. We were chatting, and then he asked me if I'd had dinner yet. I said yes, because the kids and I had eaten early. He then said he was getting ready to make some pasta with shrimp. He was trying to ask me to dinner, but since it was last minute, I'd already eaten and getting a sitter would have proven...well, impossible.

He's very nice, and he expresses a real interest in me. I hate it when men try to "play it cool" and pretend they aren't interested. That just drives me nuts. He has a stutter, which although mildly distracting, I also find rather sweet and attractive. But we do seem to have that stumbling block of him not really getting it that I have kids and can't just pick up and go at the drop of a hat. So, we'll see.

And on another note, I found out today that my ex-husband is engaged. This is not distressing news to me, although he and his ego probably think it is or should be. I actually find it rather amusing. I almost (key word here being "almost") feel sorry for her. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. This actually could be a very good thing for me, and my children, because if he marries her and focuses on having children with her, he will not bother to come around and try to influence my children. Some people would say that I am wrong for feeling this way, but when you look at his past history, and the kind of person he is, I have very strong, valid reasons for not wanting him to be an influence on my sons. And anything that gets him going the opposite direction from us is something that I welcome.

The weather has cooled off considerably this weekend, and although it will not last, I welcome it. It is beautiful, and I love being able to sit outside while the kids play without feeling like I could be served with potatoes and carrots for dinner. In fact, right now it is 12:10pm and only 58 degrees outside. Lovely!

And on that note, I think I will take the kids outside.

Life (and my computer) has moved on...

Well, since my last post many things have happened. The most recent of which being that I had to replace my computer. I was having tons and tons of trouble, not the least of which being that I had no sound at all (which, after getting the new computer, I discovered was actually the monitor and NOT the computer). So, I got a new computer, which is actually pretty cool anyway. It has Vista, which I am so far finding to be much easier than XP. We'll see, though.

On another note, I've also managed to have start, have, and end a fairly serious relationship. I actually got back together with an old boyfriend, only to discover that he is....well, the nicest way to put this is to say he is unstable. He holds some...ideas that are not only hard to swallow, but difficult not to find terrifying. On top of which, he also has a drinking problem, one which he not only will not acknowledge, but not get help for either. More problems than I can deal with.

So, our shortlived relationship lasted 5 months. When he told me aliens were standing at his front door looking in at him, the words "I think we need to see other people" tumbled out of my mouth before I even realized I wanted to say them. That was about a month ago, I guess.

I've moved on. I have actually posted a profile on a couple of dating sites, and so far have met one or two nice guys. Well, "met" might not quite be the right word. We talk online, and have spoken on the phone a time or two. I've also managed to find a crazy or two. That seems to be my life. I find a nice guy, and two crazy men tag along behind him. I have been talking to one though that although we have not talked much, I think he's very nice. He is very, very cute, and he seems incredibly sweet. We'll see where it goes, and if nothing else, I think he'll make a great friend.

The kids are back in school. C has a sub right now, for the next 5 weeks or so, which his regular teacher is out on maternity leave. This has been a struggle. C and the sub do not get along well at all. And I myself have had a run in with her, although I will admit that part of mine may have been impacted by the fact that at first sight, she strongly reminded me of my dead grandmother, whom I did not get along with at all. J is in Kindergarten this year, and he is doing splendidly so far. He's had few behavior issues, and his academics are outstanding. I'm hoping it will stay this way.

They both have field trips coming up in the next couple of weeks, one to the local petting farm, the other to a local museum. They should both have loads of fun. We, as a family, are going to go to the farm next weekend for their Fall Fun Nights, where they have a hay maze, a reptile exhibit, a nighttime hay ride, and many other things. Halloween night, or somewhere right around then, we are going to a haunted house. Trick or treating is an iffy proposition this year, as one of the other recent developments was breaking my ankle.

Back in July, I broke my ankle when I stepped in a hole the dog dug. I broke it in two places, and had to have surgery. Two screws were put in the joint of my ankle. I have only recently (as in Tuesday) begun walking with absolutely no assistance. I got off the crutches mid-September, but still had to wear a walking boot. Now, I'm boot free! It still hurts, but not as bad. The progress is very very slow, but very very sure.

Well, that's all the updates for now.

Full Moon Delay

The full moon was last Thursday, but I believe there's been a delay to it's effects this month. My kids have been nuts the last couple of days. Just totally spazzing, not listening, it's like they're a couple of animals. I was fully prepared for this kind of behavior...last Thursday. And really, even Friday, because my kids aren't big on following rules of logic, although logic and the full moon don't really go together, do they? Well, anyway, I was prepared for this last week. When it didn't happen, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and did a little happy dance out of sight in my bedroom, joyful that this behavior stayed away this month. Then...this week. It starts. And I wasn't prepared. So I've been going crazy Monday and yesterday.

And before that...do you know what I hate about owning my own home? There's no landlord to call when things go wrong. For the last few weeks, we had some really gorgeous weather. Beautiful sunny days, comfortable temperatures. We were able to open the windows every day, let the fresh air in, and be very comfortable. This is something that only happens twice a year in this part of the country, and usually we're lucky if it lasts a week. But, then after the little cold snap last week, I knew the heat was on it's way, so I decided to turn on the air conditioning. This did not go well.

My parents were mowing the yard, so we were outside. I flipped on the a/c and went back outside. I come in an hour or so later, to find that my house is now warmer than outside. I discover that my a/c is blowing heat, because the reverse valve (the thingie that makes it go back and forth between heat and a/c) isn't...well, reversing. This is not an easy thing to fix, did you know that? I know that. Now.

It took us all weekend to get this figured out and fixed. And the sad part? It was my mother who fixed it! My mom rocks! I told her she's my new hero. It was a very hot, harsh weekend for us. But by late Sunday afternoon, we had a/c, and it was blissful, wonderful relief to feel it.

Even with the heat, my kids had so much fun. They were so ready to color eggs, they wanted to start before I even boiled the eggs. It was really pretty funny.

Speaking of the eggs, the dog and I have to have a talk. The dog tried to give me up! My kids tend to get up very early, even on the weekends (a horrendous habit I am trying mightily to break them of), so I got up at about 4am to put the eggs out, because my wonderfully innocent babies still believe in the Easter Bunny, and I don't want them to know otherwise just yet. So, here I am with a carton full of eggs and a flashlight, stepping gingerly on tiptoes and holding my breath to hide eggs, and what does the damn dog do? Starts growling and barking at the flashlight beam, which he can just barely see through the blinds. And of course, I can't just yell at him to shut up! I did manage to successfully hide the eggs, get back to bed, and get some more sleep, with the kids being blissfully unaware. They were amazed at where the Easter Bunny hid the eggs this year, and thrilled at what he put in their baskets.

And while we're on the subject of Easter, did you know that apparently, when you go to your child's class at school, you are there, not for your child, but to socialize with other adults? This was news to me. I went on Friday to J's class, to color eggs, and watch Wizard of Oz with him. I spent my time there with him. I sat with him, talked to him, laughed with him, and helped him color his eggs. As I did this, I watched 3 other mothers come in, talk to other mothers and the teacher and completely ignore thier children's presence in the room. One even told her daughter to go away, that she'd talk to her later! What is the point of going to your child's class if you are just going to ignore him or her? I mean, really. I went to spend time with my son, to give him a special memory of some one on one time he got to spend with mommy, without having to share me with his brother. I didn't go to stand around and talk to other adults, something I can do anytime, anywhere, and not have to ignore my kid to do so.

I've bought a new camera. It should be here tomorrow, so I will be posting tons of new pictures in the coming weeks, as I put my new camera through it's paces. Keep checking.

Easter Eggs, Report Cards and why I'm a single mom

We colored our Easter eggs today. Every year, I obssessively inspect twelve eggs as they go in the pan. There are never any cracks, crevices, or weak spots crying "Don't boil me!" that I can see. I add water, heat, and about 10 minutes later, I have nine very nice eggs, and three that sport any of a variety of cracks: spiderweb, equator style, and Humpty Dumpty style. This year I had all three styles of cracks. How does this happen. What happens during that brief window of time when water and heat are present to cause these perfect eggs to become a mess? And why do I then eat multi-colored egg salad the week following Easter? The boys think the colored egg white is really cool when they do it, but ask them to eat it? Oh, goodness no! That's like asking them to eat rat poison, which I suspect they might be more willing to eat.

C brought home his report card on Thursday. This child has made me so proud. He's in 2nd grade, so they don't yet do the A/B/C/D/F grades, they do E/S/N/U, for Excellent, Satisfactory, Needs Improvement, and Unsatisfactory, same as the conduct/behavior grades. He came home with all S's for his academics, and all E's and S's for his behavior. This child struggled with reading and math all year, and had tons of trouble last year and in Kindergarten due to his ADHD. To have improved this much is such a wonderful thing, and I am so proud of him.

On that same day, he also scared the crap out of me. He and J are real big on finding....well, any living creature they can: lizards, frogs, toads, grasshoppers, beetles, whatever. That afternoon, they were digging by a pile of rocks, and I heard the word "worm" on the breeze a couple of times, so I wasn't overly concerned about what they were doing. Until a few minutes later when C shouts to me, "We found a snake!" I, of course, as mothers do, flip out. "What are you doing? Put the snake down!"

"It's just a little one!"

"I don't care! Put it down!"

"But it's tiny. It can't hurt us!"

I get a jar and demand that my child immediately deposit this tiny, little can't-hurt-us snake into the jar. He does, but very reluctantly and giving me the evil glare that says I'm the wicked witch of the west carrying Dorothy off to my castle.

I come inside to look the snake up on the internet, with stern warnings and threats of bodily harm to my sons of what will happen if they dare to touch another snake. Fortunately, they were right, it wasn't venomous. It was a Florida Crowned Snake, completely harmless to humans, and apparently fully grown at it's incredibly tiny size. I have some pictures that, once I calmed down, I took and will post later. I let them keep the snake for a couple of days, and this morning, we set him (her? it?) free in the front yard, so it could go on it's merry way. Then, we had another talk about leaving snakes alone and how it's not nice to give Mom a heart attack by catching one and then insisting that it's not going to hurt you.

I belong to a website for moms. It's a website where you can join groups that revolve around a variety of topics, and ask questions in various forums on numerous parenting issues, including relationships, cooking, and the different stages of your child's life. Recently, there was an article in a popular entertainment magazine about Jamie Lynn Spears and how she isn't going to get married right now. There was also a recent announcement that Sarah Palin's daughter and her boyfriend/father of her child broke up. And then, of course, there's Octomom.

Now, on the website I belong to, there are some very...young moms that have taken the stance that these girls/women are right, in not marrying. They are of the opinion that "you don't need a man to have a baby". Now, I am only 30, so I am not from that generation where unwed mothers got sent off to live in a convent or the desert until the child was born and then returned claiming they just had a nasty case of pnuemonia. But, the women making these comments are one of two things: they don't have kids yet (usually, they are pregnant), or they are happily married to the love of their life. Now, my question to them is: Do they really think that we CHOSE this life?

Let me be clear: I did not CHOOSE to be a single mother. I didn't get pregnant with the intention of raising my children alone. Yes, I was not yet married when I got pregnant with my oldest child. And yes, I did tell his father that I was not going to marry him simply because he got me pregnant, and yes I did mean it. But still, it was not my choice. It happened, and I was going to do what I needed to in order to care for and raise my child, even if that meant going it alone. But it was not my choice: it was not what I used to dream about when I would be waiting to fall asleep at night, it was not my goal in life, to get a good job and then have a couple of kids and raise them alone. I intended to raise them in a partnership, with their father. That did not work out. Their father was not capable of being a good father and husband, and I reached my breaking point, the point at which being a single mom sounded better than being his wife.

But, still I would never, ever tell anyone that being a single parent, mom or dad, is a good idea. It's hard. There is no one to share the load, no one to help discipline or share disappointments, no one to celebrate with. No one to take over when I get sick, no one to cook when I am too tired. No one to ground them, to order them to take a bath, feed the dog, or go to bed, just me.

I love my children, and I would not trade them for anything, and if I had to go back, knowing how it would all turn out, I still would do it all over again. But, with that said, I got the impression from what I read about Bristol Palin that she is promoting abstinence. That's all well and good, but I have to say, I don't think I want my kids looking to her for suggestions on how to handle their sex lives. Whether she intends to or not, she looks like a hypocrit, and sets a bad example for teenage girls. To stand there, while holding your baby in your arms and say "don't have sex", makes you look like a hypocrit. And naturally, she looks great. Her family has money, more than most single moms, and so she has people to take the baby while she does her hair and make up before going in front of the cameras. It sets the wrong image in a teenage girl's mind of what motherhood is like.

I just had to get that off my chest.

One of those days...and beyond

Today was the first day back to school after Spring Break. Yay, right? Ha.

C and I have this thing, every morning, where we drop J off at his classroom, and then C goes from J's classroom to his own. J's is a portable, so I drive away. As I drive away, C walks along the sidewalk and waves to me. It's our own little thing, just a little special something we share. And he forgot this morning! It was rather disappointing.

But that wasn't the worst part of my day. No, that was something else entirely, something that actually had no effect on my family at all, but still just blew me away. In our area, there was something that happened that led to a high speed chase between the cops and a suspect or suspects, during which the suspect(s) fired on the officers. From what I understand, no one was hurt by any of this, which is a huge relief. BUT, apparently, a school bus for our school system got shot. No kids were on the bus, and the driver was not hurt, it just broke a window and dented the bus body. As good as that is to hear, here's the problem: The school system calls to let you know when things happen, to reassure and comfort. Nice, right? Nope. The call is a recording and it starts like this: "As you have probably heard by now, one of our buses was shot today." Uh.....NO, I HADN'T HEARD THAT YET! I mean, really? This is how we reassure parents, by announcing blythly news they probably HAVEN'T heard yet? Honestly, I was home all day, except for a couple of errands, and had been to our local news websites, and had no knowledge of this bus. So, I imagine the parents who were working or out running around all day had even less knowledge of what happened this morning than I did. So, perhaps that was not the best way to start that "reassuring" phone call. It seems to me that someone needs to remind our school superintendent about the old cat on a roof.

Could the superintendent really not come up with something better than what he did? I mean, how about "We want to reassure you about our commitment to your child's safety. With that in mind, we would like to inform you about an incident that took place today. Firs,t let me reassure you that no one was injured, and no one was in any danger of being injured..." and the move on to the bus being in a shootout. Hey, maybe I can apply for the superintendent's job?

Oh, and the last not so great part of today? The kids are grounded. No outside for a week. What fun. Hours of afternoon and brightly lit evening listening to "Please, can we go outside?" I hate when I have to do this to them. Not just because they hate it, and they whine, but because I really like them being outside. So many kids these days sit around watching the boob tube or playing video games, instead of being outside, getting fresh air and exercise. Don't get me wrong, my kids watch plenty of TV and play their fair share of video games, but they spend most of their free time playing outside. And, also, in the interest of honesty, the video games aren't that bad. They're the V-Smile educational games, no violence, and very helpful with their education. They get to play some games on the computer, as well, but again: educational only. After seeing how their father got addicted to video games, I'm going to make sure if they develop an addiction, at least it will be a helpful one.

I must go prepare for what will hopefully be the last cold snap of the season. I'm thinking of starting a petition that, if you are outside in shorts for Spring Break, wishing you could swim, that there cannot be any more cold snaps after that. Do you think it'll work?

I didn't think so either.

But a girl has to have some dreams, right?

Can't Win

Back in September, we got a dog. He's a beautiful pit, such a sweet and gentle dog, but loyal and protective right down to the bone. And I think we shall rename him Peter Pan, because on Friday I ensured he would remain forever a boy, never to grow up and be a man.

I took the dog to the local animal center, to the Neuter Commuter to get him fixed. This was kind of a rough decision for me. He's a purebred, so I was pretty hesitant. I was thinking that maybe someday there would be the possibility of breeding him with a female, because he is such a gorgeous dog. But after the first time my son told me to look and wasn't it sweet how the dog was hugging him, and I realized that the dog WASN'T hugging him, I decided that it would be best. Of course, the decision was made after my very hasty shout, "Oh, yeah, that's real sweet...now make him get down!".

It wasn't just because the dog tried to make a man out of my boy that I decided this though. It was other things, too. Like the way the dog tries to take a chunk out of everyone save 6 people: me, my 2 boys, my 2 parents, and his original owner. I've read and talked to people and learned that frequently, neutering can curb some of that. And the fact that his un-neutered tags would be $35, and his neutered tags will only be $3 also had a not insignificant role in the decision making process.

But what really got to me about this whole process is the idiocy that goes along with it. I had to call and set up an appointment. When they set up the appointment, they make a point of telling you not to give the dog food after 6pm the day before, and no water after midnight. All this because it might interfere with the surgery. Great, no problem.

Until I get there. Because Peter Pan (hehe) doesn't like strangers too much, I decided that given the strange surroundings, stressful circumstances, and the fact that I don't know what he'll do when out and about like that, that I would muzzle him as a safety precaution. I don't really think he would bite anyone, but why take that chance?

Apparently, I should have taken that chance. They told me they might not do the surgery because I muzzled him. When I politely tell the woman that that is something they should mention on the phone when setting up the appointment, her response is that they ASSUME that all the dogs coming in are "socialized". My response? "Well, I ASSUMED that you would tell me that he couldn't be muzzled." And since THEY are the ones who deal with this everyday, THEY should know to mention something like this. He did get his surgery, and he is a...well, let's not call him happy just yet, ok?

But, that brings me to my problems. If I hadn't muzzled him, and he'd bitten a person or another animal, then I'd have been yelled at for not taking precautions and muzzling him. But when I do muzzle him, I'm told that I shouldn't do that. I just can't win.

And while we're on the subject, let's discuss this "socialization". I have to say, I'm quite sick of hearing about this. Everyone wants me to take my dog around and basically introduce him to all the people and animals in the neighborhood, and I'm sorry, but I won't do it. Pretty much the reason I agreed to get Peter Pan was because I thought he would be good protection for my family and my home. I am not going to defeat that purpose by making him friendly to the world. I want him to protect us, not lick the burglar while he steals all my stuff or ties me and my kids up. None of these people, who want to demand I take my dog around and "socialize" him, have ever asked about his temperment or his behavior. If they had, they would know that this dog is as gentle as a newborn lamb with my sons. My youngest son tries to ride him like a horse, has thrown rocks and sticks at him, hit him, pulled his tail, kicked him, and pretty much anything else you can think of, and Peter Pan has never once tried to hurt him. Peter Pan wouldn't let me go outside one night after dark, and I discovered later it was because there was a snake out there. Stray dogs come up to the fence and Peter Pan just looks at them, only barking or growling if he thinks they're going to try to come thru the fence. People go by on the street, and he may bark or quietly growl, but he only becomes aggressive if he thinks they will try to come onto our property, and even then, only if my boys and/or myself are out there. He even will use his teeth to grab my sons' clothing and pull them down if they try to climb on the fence.

So, tell me, why do I need to introduce my dog to everyone on earth? I don't see the need. The woman at the animal center said so that if he gets out, he will know how to act. Ok, let's think about this for a minute. First of all, if he got out, I wouldn't be a very good dog owner, would I? I check my fence daily to ensure he can't get out. And second, let's be realistic here, how the hell does introducing him to the entire neighborhood teach him how to act if he does get out? That's like saying I should introduce my kids to everyone in the neighborhood so they will know what to do if they get kidnapped. There is no connection. Knowing everyone will not stop him from doing whatever he wants, and knowing Peter Pan, what he would want would be to get right back into his own little yard. And of course, those people will insist I'm wrong, no matter what.

I just can't win.

The Farmer What?!

So, J started Pre-K back in August. He has learned so much, and is doing amazing things. One thing that happened, though, that was a little shocking, was when the school contacted me and wanted to evaluate him for speech. It turned out he has a moderate speech impairment. I was sort of aware of it, but as his mother, I tend to automatically translate what he says and understand him, so I hadn't realized what a problem it really was.

So he's been in speech therapy at school since October. He has made an amazing amount of progress. Which is why I was quite shocked to hear him singing "Farmer in the Dell" the other night.

"The farmer takes a life, the farmer takes a life!"

Huh? Run that by me again?

"The farmer takes a life, the farmer takes a life!"

Nope, I wasn't hearing things. I almost died laughing. This was not his speech impairment at work. This was a case of chronic lyricosis. His class had been singing the little song at school, and he somehow misinterpreted "wife" as being "life". All I could think was "Is this how serial killers start?"

I tried to explain to him that it should be "wife". I'm not sure if he gets it, since he's decided not to sing that song anymore. He's moved on to trying to figure out what termites eat. It's very...odd the way a child's mind works.

I think I may have mentioned this in the past, but C has a really awesome teacher this year. I'm not sure how long she's been teaching, but I know she's taught pretty much every grade level, and she just has this way with kids that is just wonderful. She really understands them, and is totally on their side. She's also got a great sense of humor, and is very understanding, which can come in extremely handy. For example, Tuesday's homework.

They send home this math worksheet on which they want my son to take an empty paper milk carton (you remember, in school, the milk we drank?), and use it to fill up a 2 liter soda bottle, a bucket, an empty gallon milk jug, and a bowl or trash can (can't really figure it out) with water to find out how many cartons it takes to fill up each container. I could not believe that they actually expected us to do this! Aside from the mess that would be created (b/c you know no 5 yr old can watch his big brother do that without wanting to get in on it, thus spilling water everywhere), imagine how time consuming it would be. Plus, you know it's going to take at least twice as long b/c they'll keep losing track and having to start over again. I told C he didn't have to do it, and I would be ok with the no credit grade for it. Then, I e-mailed the teacher. Turned out she wanted them to just estimate how many cartons they thought it would take, but she'd been called into a meeting and so wasn't able to explain that to the kids before time to go home.

Which brings me back to my vent the other day. Why is my son's teacher being taken out of her classroom during class time for a meeting? Between budget cuts, FCAT, and other crap, my son is already being cheated on his education, and now you're going to make it worse by taking his teacher out of the classroom when she should be teaching him and helping him and leave him with an assistant who doesn't have any teaching experience whatsoever and expect her to teach him?

As if this isn't bad enough, I have recently come to the realization that my son has learned more from watching TV than he has at school. I'm very lucky that my kids are not huge on cartoons. Don't get me wrong; they do love to watch them. But with only a few exceptions, give them a choice, and they will pick something else over cartoons. They love to watch Discovery, Discovery Kids, Animal Planet, History, and the Science Channel. My kids have learned some very interesting, and amazing, things from those channels, more than they do from school. C's teacher has told me, more than once, that she is amazed at his wealth of knowledge. And they say watching TV is bad. And for the record, my kids play outside plenty, too.

It seems now to be only a matter of time before we will be moving back in with my parents. The thought still makes me nauseous. I am trying to make the best of it. I tell myself this will allow me to buy the new camera I've been wanting, and I can get my kids their own computer (so they can quit screwing up mine), and my babysitters will be much closer when a kid gets sick and I need to run to the store. But none of that makes me feel better about losing the home that I dreamed about for so long. None of it makes it easier to give up my kitchen with tons of counter space that I love so dearly, that makes baking and cooking so much easier and more fun. My master bathroom with the deep bathtub from which I can see the TV in my bedroom, therefore allowing me to watch movies and TV while enjoying a nice, hot bubble bath. The huge backyard that allows the dog and the kids more than enough room to run and play and have fun. Of course, it's filled with rain today. One less day that they get to enjoy it.

I haven't even told them yet. I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of: that they'll be horribly upset and very disappointed, or that they'll be thrilled beyond words. They love their grandparents and always want to go see them, so I think they'll be fine with the idea of moving back in with them, where they will see them every day. And being kids, they don't understand all the grown up emotions that go along with a situation like this, and they don't realize that their joy only makes things worse. And you can't explain it to them, b/c there is no way to explain it where they don't think that you're telling them they're doing something wrong.

Enough depressing thoughts. I'll be posting some new recipes and hopefully some new pictures in the next few days. Watch for them.