Even Bigger Big Changes

So, the move is complete. Well, mostly. Everything is out of the old house, and into the new place. Slowly things are getting put in their new places, as we figure out where those places are. In the meantime, my bedroom is a maze of boxes and I feel as though I'm on a reality game show everytime I try to go from one spot to another.

D & I have taken a huge step in our relationship. We said THAT word. :) It is really very funny how it all happened. I've been thinking for some time now that I am in love with him, but I didn't want to say it. I was afraid it was too soon, too much, too...everything. Apparently, he was wrestling with the same thoughts. The night before last, he was twisting himself into a pretzel thinking through the whole thing out loud before he finally said, "Damn it, I love you!". It was awesome. Have to say though, it's the first time anyone has declared their love for me using the words "damn it". LOL It was a huge relief to have said it now, though.

We also decided he's going to meet C & J when he's home next time. I think it's time. I always swore I'd never bring someone around my kids until he'd been a part of my life for at least 6 months, and that it would have to be serious. But this is different. I think it definitely qualifies under the serious restriction. And although it hasn't been 6 months, there's just something telling me that waiting would be a mistake. I don't want the kids to feel left out. And I think that in 6 months, things may be so serious and so far along that the kids will really feel as though I left them out and didn't want to include them. And I can't do that to them. Plus, I really want them to like him. I think they will, I can't really see why they wouldn't, but they are kids. Kids can be fickle. Plus, they've never had to share me with anyone else(well, C did but he doesn't remember his father living in the same house, so might as well say he never did), and they might think that he is trying to take me away from them. It's better that they meet him now so that there is ample opportunity for them to realize he doesn't want to take me away from them, but just to share me with them.

He's also going to meet my parents. I'm not really sure anymore which is the bigger step in a relationship: meeting the kids or meeting the parents. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as either way is a big deal and is a way of moving the relationship forward into very serious territory.

There'a new country song by Darius Rucker called "History In The Making". The first time I went to meet D, I heard the song 3 different times on 3 different stations on the car stereo. I tried not to think too much of it at the time, but it kind of stuck with me. The first time he kissed me, I kind of heard it in my head. And sometime during our second date I fell in love with him, and thought of that song again. Ok, who am I kidding with the "sometime" crap? I know exactly when it happened. It happened when we were in the museum, standing there looking at this really amazing motorcycle, and he bent down to take a closer look at something, and twisted his arm at this really awkward angle just so he could keep holding my hand, and I was just looking at him while he did that and I just thought right at that moment, "Oh, my God, I am in love with this man." He's just...amazing. I really, truly love him.

I've never been happier than I am right now.

Moving, Holidays, Kids...slowly going insane, I think

We are moving this weekend, and although I've gotten quite a bit packed up and ready to go, there is still soooo much more that needs to be done. And the kids are....no help at all, of course. I tell them to sort their toys, and I get hours upon hours of whining. Then, when they actually do it, they must be overly dramatic and either throw away everything, including their favorite toys, or be desperately attached to each and every toy and find it absolutely impossible to part with it. Why can't they just be simple and decide to toss this and keep that? But then again, I am the mother who is going through every piece of artwork, every school paper and report card they have ever brought home and finding reasons to save them. So, I guess I should stop throwing stones before I break the glass house I'm living in.

I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done for the kids. I still don't know what I'm going to do for my parents. And I'm also trying to figure out what I'm going to get D. I want to get him something special, something nice, but...it's hard. I mean, I know a LOT about him, but still...what do you get for a guy you've only recently started dating, and will have only been together with for a little over a month when Christmas arrives?

I still have to get a couple more small items for the boys, and some clothes. C is outgrowing his clothes faster than I can keep up. J isn't doing too shabby in the growing department himself, but at least with him, I can just give him his brother's old clothes. Well, when C hasn't completely shredded them or made them filthy beyond repair, which often happens, it seems.

And for the last week or so, C & J keep waking up fighting, and it continues all day. I asked C the other morning if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and his response was to tell me he got off the end of it. Clearly we didn't get it.

The worst part so far is that there was no school today, and it was cold and rainy all day. Being cooped up with two rambunctious, arguing boys is NOT fun, in case you were wondering. I did manage to get them outside for a few brief minutes this afternoon, maybe a half hour, but it was not enough. Although they do seem to be getting along slightly better, but that, I think, is soon to change, if the rumblings from the sofa are any indication.

I'm looking forward to getting this move over with so that we can get on with things. Feeling stuck in limbo is driving me crazy. And of course, the fact that once this move is over, it's only a little more than a week, maybe two, before I get to see D again helps too.

Every time I talk to him, I fall more and more for him. He's so sweet, and nice, and funny. He's always making me laugh or smile. He asks about the kids, he knows their names, he wants to meet them. Even though I always wanted it, I thought it was too much to ask that a guy accept my kids. And yet he has, fully and completely. That alone would make me weak in the knees for him, but then when you add in everything else, he's quickly turning out to be everything I've ever wanted in a man.

Now, if the kids could just stop fighting...and if my house would pack itself...and if I could find a decent job...my life would be perfect. Oh, who am I kidding? It's pretty great as is.

He Thinks I Make Killer Banana Bread :)

As if I didn't think D was already awesome, now I got to hear him brag about me. As I may or may not have mentioned before, he's an OTR truck driver. He also trains new drivers. Right now, he has a student on the truck with him. When he was home last week, I made him some banana bread, which he absolutely loved.

Last night, he asked what the kids and I were having for dinner, which happened to be meatball subs and fried spaghetti. He'd never heard of fried spaghetti, but when he repeated it, his student had and made a joke that he'd be right over. That was when D told him "Oh, she makes a killer banana bread, too!". He wants more banana bread the next time he is home. I have no problem obliging. :)

I hate the fact that he is gone for 3 weeks at a time, but I have never been happier than I am right now. I love the thought of him coming home and being in his arms, kissing him and holding him. I wish I could do it the entire time he's home, but alas, we both have things that have to be done. But I do plan on spending as much time in his arms as possible.

I made a joke yesterday that I was going to put a love potion in the banana bread. He said it wouldn't take much. I think I could easily end up falling in love with this man, if I haven't already. I'm trying so hard to remind myself to take it slow and not rush things, but damn, it's hard when you've got such an incredible man.

Big Changes

So, last time I blogged, D and I were just talking on the phone and such, and I was very interested. Well, now we have actually met, and are officially "together". It became official on our second date. :) There was such an instant connection, such great chemistry right from our very first date. We've both already made references to the future, talking about things we'll do next year, and while those kind of things might scare me with someone else, it doesn't with him. We're both already thinking about the whole meeting the family thing, and both think it's going to happen sooner rather than later. My parents are already pretty impressed with him just based on things I've told them. Which, granted, is all good stuff, since I want them to like him. I want the kids to like him too, but they're a little harder to finesse, since I have to worry about making sure they don't get hurt if this all falls apart. But, I really don't think I have to worry about that.

This man just amazes me. When he holds me, I feel so safe and secure, and I just never want to leave his embrace. I love it when he kisses me, and it always makes me smile when he kisses my forehead or the top of my head. I love holding his hand, I love hearing his voice. I never thought I'd be this into someone that I've only known a very short time, and yet...here I am.

Wow!

I've been slightly...distracted(?) and therefore have neglected my blog.

New guy and I have been talking...well, pretty much constantly. Well, sometimes we don't really talk, we just kind of sit there on the phone in silence. And yet somehow, it's not awkward or feeling like it's an indication that things aren't going well. It's more like...comfortable, I guess. It's nice.

He impresses me more with each conversation. He fully accepts my kids. He doesn't refer to them as "the kids" or "the boys" or some other way that kind of seems to keep them at a distance...he'll actually use their names. And he remembers the things that happen. Such as....

J threatened to kill his teacher the day before yesterday. He got mad at her because she disciplined him for some other thing he had done wrong, so he decided to tell some classmates he would kill her. Needless to say, she wrote me a note regarding the situation. I wrote her back and told her how sorry I was that he would say something like that, assured her I had talked to him, and told her that even though he said he had apologized, that he was to do so again. I mentioned this to new guy (let's call him D, shall we?), and mentioned all this to D. Today, he asked me if J had apologized to his teacher, and when I said that J told me he had, asked me if I was sure. This prompted me to e-mail the teacher to confirm.

He also remembers things that I don't even remember mentioning. I mentioned having gone to school for phlebotomy and he remembered that and brought it up in another conversation. I had to go back and read thru our conversations because I didn't even remember mentioning it. It's little things like that that just melt me, and he doesn't even know it.

I don't know what it is about him, but there is something that just makes me excited to talk to him, disappointed to have to end our phone calls, and incredibly glad that I signed up for a dating site out of boredom and then contacted him. When I read his profile, I was instantly drawn. But, I hesitated a moment before actually hitting the "Send Message" button. After the fiasco with my ex-boyfriend, and the disaster that was my marriage, I've still been hesitant about starting something new. But, I just couldn't resist and I figured that it wouldn't go very far. Thinking that we'd end up as nothing more than friends, or that one or both of us would quickly lose interest, I sent that first message.

And now here I am, deeply interested in a guy I've yet to meet, but desperately want to meet. I'm so comfortable when I talk to him, I find myself telling him things that I've never told anyone else. I say things without thinking. I usually think about how stupid something will make me sound, or worry about looking like a goofball or something. But with him...it just comes out. I don't worry that he'll laugh at me, and even if he does laugh at me, I'm usually laughing too.

I don't know where this is going, but I have high hopes and I really think it's going to be a good thing, if not a great thing.

Soooo.....

The kids brought home their report cards yesterday. C still has a D in math, which he knows I'm not happy about, but the rest of his grades are C's & B's, which although they could be better, I'll accept. Conduct is still S in all, so I'm proud of him for that. He's come quite a long way with his ADHD. J came home with all E's & S's, and S's in conduct. He's doing really great.

I had to get a new printer today. I discovered the other morning that my old one was not compatible with Vista. I checked, before I got my new computer, to make sure that all my different software would be compatible, never even thought about the stupid printer until I tried to print something out for the kids' teachers and it wouldn't print.

J had his field trip today, and he came home thrilled to death. The most exciting part of his day: a tie between milking the goat and petting the pig...on the butt. Kids are strange.

I no longer have cause to complain about jerks, liars and losers...well, for now, anyway. I've been talking to this man lately, and I'm very interested in him. Maybe more than I should be, I don't know. I really like him a lot. He makes me laugh, and if he's not making me laugh, he's at least making me smile. He's a really nice guy, and every time I talk to him, I find myself liking him even more. I haven't met him yet, although I really want to. I'm just not sure if he likes me as much as I like him. I'd like to think he does, but...it's been a while since I got to this point with a new guy. When Crazy Ex-Boyfriend and I got together, we had known each other before, so there really wasn't that whole getting to know each other and figuring out where we stand phase. We just kind of jumped right in, since we already knew each other...and he'd made it pretty clear how he felt about me.

Most of the guys I've talked to lately, after two or three conversations, I find myself losing interest. I don't even know why. But every time I talk to him, I enjoy it and I hate it when we have to hang up or stop instant messaging. And if I don't lose interest in them (which is usually the case), they decide they don't want to deal with the fact that I have kids, which is especially annoying when they already knew I have them before the first conversation even started. Not only does he not mind that I have kids, but he actually listens to me blab on and on about them or to them (or at least, he pretends to listen). I've even found myself telling him things I've never told anyone else. I'm not sure if that should make me happy or scare me.

I don't know what's going to happen with him, but I know what I hope will happen.

E and I are still friends, but neither one of us wants more than that. We don't really have enough in common for more than that, and he seems to want someone that can pick up at a moment's notice to go to dinner or whatever. He didn't mind the kids, but he just needs someone who can be more spontaneous. No big deal, no drama there. :)

By the way, speaking of men, is anyone looking for a slightly clingy, unintentionally annoying, more than ready for a commitment kind of guy? Because I know one that I would just love to see him happy...with someone else.

Halloween Night and Creepy Guys

Halloween really wasn't that great this year. The local church was supposedly having "Trunk or Treat", but they didn't bother to list the time. So the kids missed that. The Haunted House toned down the scariness so much that the kids weren't the least bit impressed, and actually, I think they were quite bored with it. The Haunted Woods didn't start until too late, so they missed that. And there were 5 houses in our entire neighborhood that actually handed out candy, and one of those was my parents. The kids did get some candy, and had a little fun, but not as much as usual, and they were really disappointed that they didn't get to do as much as they usually do. This year was really a letdown.

As I've mentioned before, I keep getting a lot of liars responding to my profile online. Namely one who keeps lying about his age. Well, now he's gone from "liar" to "creepy desperate loser". I sent him a message pretty much calling him a liar, and he sends me a poem about how much he loves me and hates being so far away (a poem which a friend pointed out that he probably cut and pasted from somewhere, and he is probably right). That was really creepy. If someone called me a liar, my response would not be to profess my love for them. Especially if they were a stranger to me. So, I told the creepy desperate loser to leave me alone, and I've not heard from him since, so I'm hoping this was the last of him.

Well, it's late and I think I'm off to bed.