November 29, 2009

Even Bigger Big Changes

So, the move is complete. Well, mostly. Everything is out of the old house, and into the new place. Slowly things are getting put in their new places, as we figure out where those places are. In the meantime, my bedroom is a maze of boxes and I feel as though I'm on a reality game show everytime I try to go from one spot to another.

D & I have taken a huge step in our relationship. We said THAT word. :) It is really very funny how it all happened. I've been thinking for some time now that I am in love with him, but I didn't want to say it. I was afraid it was too soon, too much, too...everything. Apparently, he was wrestling with the same thoughts. The night before last, he was twisting himself into a pretzel thinking through the whole thing out loud before he finally said, "Damn it, I love you!". It was awesome. Have to say though, it's the first time anyone has declared their love for me using the words "damn it". LOL It was a huge relief to have said it now, though.

We also decided he's going to meet C & J when he's home next time. I think it's time. I always swore I'd never bring someone around my kids until he'd been a part of my life for at least 6 months, and that it would have to be serious. But this is different. I think it definitely qualifies under the serious restriction. And although it hasn't been 6 months, there's just something telling me that waiting would be a mistake. I don't want the kids to feel left out. And I think that in 6 months, things may be so serious and so far along that the kids will really feel as though I left them out and didn't want to include them. And I can't do that to them. Plus, I really want them to like him. I think they will, I can't really see why they wouldn't, but they are kids. Kids can be fickle. Plus, they've never had to share me with anyone else(well, C did but he doesn't remember his father living in the same house, so might as well say he never did), and they might think that he is trying to take me away from them. It's better that they meet him now so that there is ample opportunity for them to realize he doesn't want to take me away from them, but just to share me with them.

He's also going to meet my parents. I'm not really sure anymore which is the bigger step in a relationship: meeting the kids or meeting the parents. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as either way is a big deal and is a way of moving the relationship forward into very serious territory.

There'a new country song by Darius Rucker called "History In The Making". The first time I went to meet D, I heard the song 3 different times on 3 different stations on the car stereo. I tried not to think too much of it at the time, but it kind of stuck with me. The first time he kissed me, I kind of heard it in my head. And sometime during our second date I fell in love with him, and thought of that song again. Ok, who am I kidding with the "sometime" crap? I know exactly when it happened. It happened when we were in the museum, standing there looking at this really amazing motorcycle, and he bent down to take a closer look at something, and twisted his arm at this really awkward angle just so he could keep holding my hand, and I was just looking at him while he did that and I just thought right at that moment, "Oh, my God, I am in love with this man." He's just...amazing. I really, truly love him.

I've never been happier than I am right now.

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